Project Parenthood

7 ways to help your child build self-advocacy skills (Encore)

Episode Summary

When your child fully understands their own diagnoses it not only means they can more easily explain their challenges to friends and family, but it also empowers them to ask for what they need at school. Today I’m talking about helping your child build those self-advocacy skills while they're young so they have lots of opportunities to practice and gain self-confidence in asking for support once they’re out in the real world.

Episode Notes

This in an encore of an episode that originally aired on October 16, 2023, and hosted by Dr. Nanika Coor.

Transcript: https://project-parenthood.simplecast.com/episodes/repairing-the-break-how-to-fix-things-with-your-kid-encore/transcript

Have a parenting question? Email Dr. Coor at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 646-926-3243.

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Episode Transcription

When your child is small, it’s up to you to make sure their teachers know about their strengths and challenges. But by about 5th grade, your child might be ready to begin learning self-advocacy skills. This is age-appropriate for all kiddos and can be especially beneficial for those with neurodivergence or other diagnosis. Fully understanding their own diagnoses not only means they can more easily explain their challenges to friends and family, but it also empowers them at school to ask for what they need in order to be successful both socially and emotionally as well as academically. Today I’m talking about helping your child build those self-advocacy skills while they're young so they have lots of opportunities to practice and gain self-confidence in asking for support once they’re out in the real world.

Welcome back to Project Parenthood! I'm your host, Dr. Nanika Coor—clinical psychologist and respectful parenting therapist. Each week, I’ll help you repair and deepen your parent-child connection, increase self-compassion and cooperation from your kids, and cultivate joy, peace, and resilience in your relationship with them.

Most parents are well versed in their child’s strengths and weaknesses and do a lot speaking up on their child’s behalf,getting them the things that they need to succeed in school and in life. And that makes sense when kids are very small. But by about age 10, many kids are ready to take a more active role in their educational experiences. Bringing your child on board as an educational collaborator helps them learn about the school system they’re in, and all of the moving parts involved in getting them the appropriate support at school, and also at home and when they’re with friends.

Here are 7 ways to help your child build self-advocacy skills:

Team up with your child to become an expert in their diagnoses in the unique way it presents for them, individually. When your child is diagnosed with, say, ADHD, sometimes you think you already know what that means about them. But do you really understand what ADHD is? Do you understand your child’s specific symptoms of ADHD and how it impacts your child in class, at recess, or in social and extracurricular settings from their perspective as well as your own? Learning disabilities, developmental, and mental health conditions present and are experienced differently from person to person. Whatever your child’s diagnosis, become a detective with your child and find out all you can about their particular symptoms. The name of a syndrome or disorder isn’t the only important information you need to know.
Help your child reflect on their strengths, challenges, goals, and what support they need to achieve them. Consider supports needed for academic success, but also what they need in their physical and interpersonal environments to accommodate their disability or disorder.
Practice self-advocacy through role-play. Whenever you and your child realize in retrospect that a tweak in their internal or external environment could have prevented their shutdown, meltdown or explosion, role-play scenarios in which your child asks for and accepts the help and support they need to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Help them practice saying things like, “My brain/body feels stressed out, may I take a break in the hallway for 5 minutes?” But also practice with people outside of the family. Invite them to order for themselves at a restaurant, for example.
Invite your child to participate in yearly IEP meetings. Once your child has a good understanding of how they struggle, how they shine, and what accommodations they need, invite your child to explain those understandings at their Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting. This is where school district representatives, teachers, you and your child will meet, and together either set new goals or review prior goals to see if they’re being met. The school may be required to provide occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, counseling, academic accommodations, and/or other modifications to help your child achieve IEP goals. Invite your child to explain what’s been working and not working accommodations-wise, and to give ideas for what might work better. The more involved your child can be, the more ownership they can take for meeting goals, and for their education in general. It also helps your child learn to negotiate for the support and services they need.
Give your child responsibilities. Build age-appropriate responsibilities into your child’s everyday routines. Every day after school could involve putting all of their outside belongings in their appropriate inside ‘homes’: setting the table for dinner, clearing the dishes at the end of the meal, or helping to load the dishwasher. Don’t use the word ‘chore’; that sounds unpleasant! You’re all on Team Family and every person is valuable and everyone helps the team succeed. You can even provide a list of every daily/weekly/monthly domestic task and let them choose which they’d prefer to help with.
Model self-advocacy. Communicate your own needs and concerns clearly and assertively - but always respectfully. For example, if you're at a restaurant and the food is served cold, you might say, "Pardon me, our food is cold. Could we please have it reheated?" Model using active listening skills and the willingness to compromise. Let them see you speaking up when you need help or you feel uncomfortable, so your child knows that it’s okay to say no to things you don’t want to do, for example.
Share your own experiences. Share with your child stories about when you stood up for yourself or spoke out for what you believed in, and how it turned out - both the times it went well and the times it didn’t work out at all. Even though speaking up may not always solve a problem quickly or easily, it is important to teach children the value of being brave and speaking up for themselves or what they believe in.

No matter where your child is on their journey to developing self-advocacy skills, it’s important to create a supportive and encouraging environment for them. Let them know that you believe in them and that you're their number one supporter. That will also go a long way to helping them develop the confidence they need to advocate for themselves and take an active role in their education.

Links:

www.brooklynparenttherapy.com

https://www.instagram.com/bkparents/

Sources:

Holzberg, D. G., Test, D. W., & Rusher, D. E. (2019). Self-advocacy instruction to teach high school seniors with mild disabilities to access accommodations in college. Remedial and Special Education, 40(3), 166-176.

Leadbitter, K., Buckle, K. L., Ellis, C., & Dekker, M. (2021). Autistic self-advocacy and the neurodiversity movement: Implications for autism early intervention research and practice. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 782.

Pounds, L., & Cuevas, J. (2019). Student Involvement in IEPs.

Georgia Educational Researcher

(1), 23-47.