Practical tips for managing your child’s online privacy, recognizing misinformation, and fostering kindness in digital interactions.
Practical tips for managing your child’s online privacy, recognizing misinformation, and fostering kindness in digital interactions.
Project Parenthood is hosted by Chelsea Dorcich. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
Have a parenting question? Email Chelsea at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 646-926-3243.
Find Project Parenthood on Facebook and Twitter, or subscribe to the Quick and Dirty Tips newsletter for more tips and advice.
Project Parenthood is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.
Links:
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/subscribe
https://www.facebook.com/QDTProjectParenthood
https://twitter.com/qdtparenthood
Our children are on computers, tablets, and phones starting at early ages. When we start giving our children access to the online world, we unleash them into a world that even adults can struggle to navigate and use safely. As parents, what do we need to consider as our children enter the digital world?
Hi, welcome back to Project Parenthood. I'm your host, Chelsea Dorcich, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. I'm here to join you on your conscious parenting journey, bringing more curiosity, openness, acceptance, kindness, and non judgment along the way. My goal for us is to accept what is out of our control, commit to improving our parenting life and discover better outcomes for ourselves and our family.
Today's episode, we will be discussing the skills necessary to teach our children to safely and successfully navigate the digital world. We are fortunate that there are many options for software and tools that keep our children safe on their electronic devices. The goal of this is to help parents, schools and parents alike ensure the computers or tablets have a system in place to monitor and block alarming content.
However, what happens when our kids are using a device that does not have such a system in place? Will they be able to be smart and safe? Let's discuss safe sharing, fake information, protecting oneself, kindness, and talking uncomfortable scenarios out. We want our kids to be smart about sharing. We want to make sure our kids understand what kinds of personal information should be kept private and why.
Do they know that they should never post their full name and other personal information like address and phone number? Do they know when it is okay to share a picture or video of someone else? Do they know when it is okay to tell someone's secret? What if someone is posting something that makes them think they're in danger?
Do they know how to go to a trusted adult? Kids should not be sharing their passwords to video game logins or social media. What if the person uses the login inappropriately? What if that person posts things or says things under your child's account in a joke, but it's still harmful to your child and others?
Kids need to be able to reflect how others might interpret their messages or posts. Can they see it differently? We also want our kids to understand the difference between assumptions, opinions, and facts. And really, our kids need to be able to consider the consequences of exposing personal information.
What they share becomes part of their digital footprint. It can last a long time. Talk to your kids about framing. What can be kept visible in public, and what really should be kept secret and invisible? We want our kids thinking critically about content and screening fake information. Talk to your kids about phishing and how it comes in all contexts.
Email, social media, text, ads or webpages that look similar to what they're using, but they're fake. Text messages that trick you into sharing info or clicking on a link that then downloads bad software. And that there are types of phishing that target more specifically by using pieces of your kids personal info.
Similarly, clickbaiting is when content that attracts attention and pushes a person to click on a link to a certain site by using interesting formatting or catching phrases. We want our kids to be aware of all of these scams and fake information. Reassure them that If they get a message from someone they don't really know, or maybe they think they might know, and it sounds fantastic, exciting, or a little too good to be true, it very probably is exactly that, too good to be true.
What happens if our kids fall for a scam? We don't want them to panic or pretend it didn't happen. We want them to tell us, a teacher, or other adult they trust right away. The longer they wait, the worse things can get. We can help them change passwords or maybe notify friends or contacts as they may get that next tricky message.
If possible, report the message as spam. We want our kids to understand that people contacting them may not be who they say they are. Be sure the person is who they say they are before replying. Ask questions, or get help from an adult if it's hard to tell who this person really is. Discuss with your kids that in apps, people sometimes pretend to be someone else as a joke, or maybe to get something from you, or just to be mean.
Other times they impersonate people to steal personal information or digital property like game money. We want our kids to be curious. Have them check the person's page or profile, see who their friends are, or search for other information that tells them they're who they say they are. We want our kids to think about the source and their credibility.
Does this source know them or care about them? Does this source know a lot about this topic? Does this source want them to do something or believe something? And why would they want them to do that? And who benefits or who might get hurt if people believe this source? Protecting our kids and securing their secrets.
We really want our kids to understand why privacy and security matter. We want them to know how to create strong passwords and keep them to themselves. and their caregivers. So we can teach our kids to use different passwords for each of their important accounts, what makes a strong password, how to maybe change it every once in a while, set their devices to automatically lock in case they end up in the wrong hands, to not use personal information in their password, to make sure the password is not easy to guess, to not share it with anyone else besides a parent or guardian, And to really never write it down where someone can find them, show them the tools, the software, the settings that are all in place on their devices, which protect them against scams, hackers, and other threats.
So they know what's going on and how to use it in the future.
Being kind, as we mentioned in social media last week, we really do want our kids to be kind online, just as they are offline. We want them to empathize with people in the media and things they see online. And so really how does. When they see things that maybe are hurtful online, how does that make them feel?
And can they imagine how the person who it's directed at feels? So really kindness, we need to think of it as empathy and action. So if people are leaving disrespectful comments on a selfie, their friend posted, or your child's playing an online game and one player is insulting and trash talking another player.
If several of their friends are making mean jokes about a student in a private group chat Does your child know how to navigate? Do they know how to have that empathy and turn it into action? Turn it into kindness. This will help transition us to the next topic is talking about what you see and asking for help.
So those scenarios that I brought up might be where your kids need to come to you or a teacher and really discuss this to help navigate next steps. We do want our children to understand what types of situations call for getting help or talking things out with a trusted adult. We want them to think about what it means to be brave when we're online, as well as offline, but especially online, that coming to an adult and being And asking for help is actually a really brave step that can be really difficult and intimidating, but by doing so, our Children are being brave.
So when we, our kids see someone being mean to another person online, make them feel embarrassed or left out, making fun of them, disrespecting them, hurting their feelings. We want our Children to know they always have choices. First, they can choose to be a helper instead of a bystander by helping that person that was targeted.
Second, if they choose to be a helper, they have options for what kind of action they can take. They can stand up for the person, they can report something hurtful, they can ignore something to keep it from spreading even more. We want our children to know it's okay to be scared or sad or feel overwhelmed by something they saw online.
They need to know their options, so they can refuse to watch something. So if they're by themselves, they can turn it off or go somewhere else. If they are with somebody else, they can choose to ask them to stop. And if that person doesn't listen, they can walk away. And through all these scenarios, they can come to an adult and talk it out.
Express their feelings. Talk about what made them feel uncomfortable. Explore more ways they can, or next steps they can take to navigate that situation. And again, just reiterating that it may not seem like it, but being able to ask for help when you're not sure what to do is a very brave thing to do. As we know, most apps and services do have tools for reporting or blocking inappropriate content, and it can help.
people involved. So make sure our children know how to do that or ask for help to do so if they can. And it's always wise to take a screenshot. Of that that info or inappropriate content to make sure there's a record of the situation. Lastly, I just want to close with encouraging you to have a system to determine safety.
So when your kids are online, have them have a system in place that allows them to use their own inner compass to navigate different situations online. So two ways I like to think of that is either having a number scale, a one to five or a traffic light. So I use number scales for a lot of other situations.
So it might, for me, it's just kind of second nature. And, uh, one on the number scale may be, I feel comfortable. I'm not sharing any personal information. I'm not being asked to share information. I'm around people I know and trust. A three might be, I'm feeling a little uneasy and I want to proceed with caution, and I may actually need to consult an adult.
I'm going to continue to assess. And a five is, I'm uncomfortable, I'm being asked to do something that is not okay, or I'm seeing something that makes me feel very uncomfortable, it's inappropriate, I need to stop and get an adult right away. Similarly, traffic light is simple, green, keep going, yellow, slow down and assess, use caution, red, stop and get an adult.
Just for a few examples, you might, and these are things that you might also in your own way or use these examples, bring up with your kids. A yellow light. It might be someone reaching out to them saying, Hey, you're good. We should play together. Can you add me or someone reaching out to them? Like DMing them saying, Hey, this is Sarah.
Remember me from last summer, add me so you can give them their options. They can ignore it. They can block that person. If they really know that person, they don't know them and they're not okay. They can also change their settings for games like video games. You can change the settings to turn off all friend requests.
Uh, they can continue to be curious, investigate, check this person out online, do they have mutual friends, do, is it really who they say they are? We want our kids to feel confident when they're in those situations, so this is where it's nice to have some options for a yellow light or a two or a three on the scale.
Now, some examples of a red light, or a four or five, is if someone reaches out to your child and says, Hey, I love your post, you're so awesome, give me your number and we can talk more. Or, I saw you in the hall today. I really want to get to know you. What's your address? I can come over and hang out. Or, it may be something like, Hey, I just met your friend, Sam.
She told me all about you. I want to meet you. Where do you live? Or let's go meet at the park by school. So we want to make sure our children are really tuned in and really hearing and seeing these things and thinking, okay, this is caution, or this is beyond caution, I really need to just check it with an adult and that adult can be you, or it can be a therapist.
It can be a teacher letting them know that it doesn't have to be you. If something there may be uncomfortable, that it can be another trusted adult, a teacher, but you definitely would be great. So again, we have so many things that we have to think about when we go online with our children and some great resources for you as parents are Thorn for Parents, T H O R N, Be Internet Awesome, and The Smart Talk.
These are all programs and websites that really help you navigate Getting your child into the online world and teaching them how to use search engines safely, again, social media, video gaming online. So we can go into further detail with these, but definitely great for your children to have this communication with you.
Set the standard that this is an open communication. When they see something they're not sure about or don't like, they can come to you and talk about it. That's it for this week's edition of Project Parenthood. Remember to be curious, open, accepting, kind, and non judgmental on your conscious parenting journey.
If you have any questions about this episode, about your parenting journey, and or topics you'd like to hear more about, please reach out to parenthood at quickanddirtytips.com or leave a message at 646-926-8255. Project Parenthood is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. Thanks to the team at Quick and Dirty Tips, Holly Hutchings, Davina Tomlin, Morgan Christianson, and Brannan Goetschius.
May you be happy, safe and protected, healthy and strong and live with ease.