Here are some ideas for creating a safe and affirming home for your LGBTQIA+ child.
The theme for NYC Pride Month is “Strength in Solidarity,” reflecting the power and resiliency of the LGBTQIA+ community and its allies. In this episode, Dr. Nanika Coor explores ways to create an emotionally safe environment for your LGBTQIA+ child that enhance resilience-building factors in the face of real-world obstacles to their healthy development.
Project Parenthood is hosted by Dr. Nanika Coor. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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It’s June—also known as Pride Month in the U.S.! This year in New York City, where my practice is located, the theme for Pride Month is “Strength in Solidarity,” reflecting the power and resiliency of the LGBTQIA+ community and its allies. Tune in all month long as I focus on tips for LGBTQIA+ kids, parents, families, and allies.
Today I’m diving into an important topic: how to be in solidarity with your LGBTQIA+ child. During Pride Month and every month, it's crucial to provide a safe and supportive environment for your children, no matter what their sexual orientation or gender identity is. For LGBTQIA+ kids who experience their parents’ reactions as rejection, it can contribute to serious health concerns and inhibit their development and well-being. In this episode, I’ll explore ways to create an emotionally safe environment for your LGBTQIA+ child that enhance resilience-building factors in the face of real-world obstacles to healthy development.
Welcome back to Project Parenthood! I'm your host, Dr. Nanika Coor—clinical psychologist and respectful parenting therapist. Each week, I’ll help you repair and deepen your parent-child connection, increase self-compassion and cooperation from your kids, and cultivate joy, peace, and resilience in your relationship with them.
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According to The Trevor Project’s 2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ Young People, LGBTQ teens face serious challenges that put them at a higher risk for suicide. The survey found that they attempt suicide at more than twice the rate of their heterosexual peers. Factors like stigma, family rejection, bullying, violence, and limited access to gender-affirming healthcare contribute to this upsetting statistic. Additionally, higher rates of depression among young LGBTQ folks often lead to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. However, research consistently shows that parental support and acceptance can make a profound difference. It improves mental health, fosters self-acceptance, and enhances overall well-being for LGBTQ youth.
Here are some ideas for creating a safe and affirming home for your LGBTQIA+ child.
First, it’s important to educate yourself about LGBTQIA+ topics. You can even start with the meaning of the acronym LGBTQIA+, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, and more. Understand the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. Embrace your child’s process of evolving and unfolding rather than dismissing it as “just a phase” or something that needs to be fixed. Celebrate all of who your child is.
Make sure you fully understand how your particular child sees themselves fitting under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, and you'll be better equipped to support them. Seek out books, podcasts, documentaries, and online resources to expand your knowledge and understanding about the experiences, challenges, and terminology related to the LGBTQIA+ community.
LGBTQIA+ kids are often the target of bullying because they’re “different.” Be on the lookout for signs they may be dealing with bullying—like a sudden change in behavior or friend group, declining grades or behavior problems in school, or risky behaviors that are out of character for them. Know who they are dating, and prioritize safety by encouraging them to choose healthy and age-appropriate relationships. Although LGBTQIA+ kids can connect and find community using social media, they can also take in harmful messages and link up with bad actors—especially if they’re desperate for acceptance they’re not getting at home. If they can’t look to you, they’ll look elsewhere for support and guidance. So make sure you’re monitoring their social media usage and staying emotionally open and available to them.
Open and frequent communication is crucial when it comes to supporting your LGBTQIA+ child. All kids go through a range of emotions, and talking openly with a caring parent can provide stability. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for open dialogue. Encourage your child to share their feelings, experiences, and concerns. Listen actively, validate their emotions, and assure them of your unconditional love and support. Remember that making this an ongoing conversation—rather than one big sit-down lecture—allows your child to express themselves authentically. By fostering open dialogue, you can create a stronger bond with your LGBTQIA+ child and support them through their journey.
I cannot stress enough the importance of respecting and using your child’s correct pronouns and their chosen name. A person’s name and pronouns are an integral part of their identity, and using the right ones not only shows respect and acceptance for your child’s identity, but their humanity as well. Ask your child which pronouns they prefer and make a conscious effort to use them consistently. This one simple act can make a huge impact on your child's well-being and sense of self, and drastically reduce the risk of suicidal behavior.
Make sure your child is exposed to positive portrayals of LGBTQIA+ youth and adults who are doing well in the media you consume as a family to reduce feelings of social isolation or invisibility, and inspire hope and positive attitude toward their future as they develop into teens and young adults. Seek out formal or informal mentorships where LGBTQIA+ adults and youth are paired together and the adult can be there for/look out for the youngster.
Another way to support your child is to connect with supportive communities. Seek out local LGBTQIA+ organizations, support groups, or online communities where both you and your child can find a sense of belonging. Building relationships with other parents who share similar experiences can provide you with a support network and can be a source of valuable insights about so many things—like advocating for your child in the medical and educational systems. Additionally, encouraging your child to connect with LGBTQIA+ peers can foster a sense of community and help them feel less alone, and provide support. Be on the lookout for classmates, teachers, parents, friends, family members, doctors, and mental health professionals who can provide emotional support and relevant resources.
And finally—advocate for your child and be an ally. Stand up against discrimination and challenge negative comments and harmful stereotypes about LGBTQIA+ folks. Learn about LGBTQIA+ rights and support organizations working towards equality. Advocate for inclusive policies within schools, sports teams, and other institutions you and your child are a part of. Can you push for creating a gay-straight alliance, all-inclusive sex education, all-gender bathrooms, and comprehensive anti-bullying policies at your child’s school, if those are not already in place? Let your child see you’re showing public support for policies that protect LGBTQIA+ people and openly reject those that don’t. By being an ally, you show your child that you're there to support them and fight for their rights.
While it’s true that LGBTQIA+ youth face unique challenges due to being disproportionately impacted by poor mental health outcomes, it's crucial to highlight that many of these kids are resilient and thriving. By gaining a deeper understanding of the factors that put your LGBTQIA+ child at risk and, more importantly, what reduces their risk, you can better understand their experiences and you can provide the support and other protective factors that promote their mental wellness. Be a loving affirming presence and create an emotionally safe home where your LGBTQIA+ kiddo can flourish and go on to lead a fulfilling life.
That’s all for today’s episode of Project Parenthood—thanks for listening, and I hope you found it helpful! Be sure to join me live on Instagram @bkparents on Monday, June 12 at 1 pm for a Brooklyn Parent Therapy “Ask Me Anything!” I love answering your questions in real-time!
If you have a question for me about parent-child relationships, respectful parenting tips and/or parental mental health like you’d like me to cover in a future episode, shoot me an email at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com, leave a message at 646-926-3243 or leave a message on Instagram @bkparents. And you can learn about my private practice working with parents living in New York State at www.brooklynparenttherapy.com.
Happy Pride Month and catch you next week!
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/fostering-the-mental-health-of-lgbtq-youth/
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2023/#intro
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2023/04/10/when-why-pride-month-2023/11600260002/