Author Dominika Dvorzhak joins Chelsea to discuss her debut children's book, One and Only, inspired by her experiences as an only child and a mother to one. They dive into the societal stereotypes surrounding only children, the importance of representation in children's literature, and fostering empathy and understanding in family dynamics. Dominika shares her heartfelt mission to celebrate individuality and encourage conversations that honor every family's unique journey.
Author Dominika Dvorzhak joins Chelsea to discuss her debut children's book, One and Only, inspired by her experiences as an only child and a mother to one. They dive into the societal stereotypes surrounding only children, the importance of representation in children's literature, and fostering empathy and understanding in family dynamics. Dominika shares her heartfelt mission to celebrate individuality and encourage conversations that honor every family's unique journey.
Find Dominika's book One and Only, here!
Project Parenthood is hosted by Chelsea Dorcich. A transcript is available as Simplecast.
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CHELSEA: Hi, everyone. On today's episode, I'm so excited to have Dominika Dvorzhak, based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is both an only child and a mother to one. She experiences, or excuse me, her experiences inspired her debut children's book, One and Only, which encourages conversations about family size and the unique lives of only children.
Through her writing, she fosters empathy, celebrates individuality, and promotes self acceptance. Thank you, Dominika, for being here today.
DOMINIKA: Hi, Chelsea. Thank you for having me here.
CHELSEA: Yeah, I'm so excited. What was the inspiration for you to sit down and write this book? We all have great ideas, but sometimes it, to actually put it in publishing is so cool.
what was behind that?
DOMINIKA: as you mentioned already, I am, an only child and mom to an only child. And, that was a natural for me to write about that topic. I also come from generations of only children. My mom is only child. My grandma is only child. So it was a topic I really know, inside out. I felt and I've noticed that, when I've been looking for a book about only children, To read it to my daughter.
Now there was this, void on the market where there is not that many books about that, for directed to kids. So there is plenty of books like self help books or how to grow a, more aware only child. And there is books about those topics, but not necessarily the ones there's plenty about welcoming a sibling, having a brother, having a sister, mama is pregnant again, which is all okay.
And it's great. I'm happy that we have those books as well. They are. Probably very needed as well, but I was like, it would be wonderful to have also, someone, who will represent the only children and be a voice for those people as well. I felt like I I may serve as that person.
CHELSEA: Yeah. That was what you said represent. That was exactly what I was thinking is that just to be able to have some representation across Children's literature of all family sizes, all family makeups. Yes. And I think that when you say that, it's so true that there's so much literature to prepare for the next sibling or siblings sharing or rivalry that but there's, I think unless you probably you could speak this experience being an only child, you may not know actually what some of those comments that might be have set, said to only children, like your book definitely beautifully depicts, that, it can cause children to think about wait, is there something wrong with this?
Or is there?
DOMINKA: yeah,
good, good that you mentioned that. So essentially, that book, so there was initial, thought that I could talk about it, but, the inspiration, the point when I realized that is that over the course of Three decades, I'm 34. Not much change in the context of, perception of only children in society.
I mentioned the self help books, Not Without a Reason, because that also was, puzzling me apart, why there are self help books for only children, as if this is some sort of problem that we need to address, or there is lots of worry around that topic. And, I've noticed that certain stereotypes and commentaries I heard in my childhood are directed to my daughter now, and now having this more broader perspective being a mom myself, I said, you know what, I am upset about the fact that we as a society almost understood that, maybe it's not okay to ask, families or couples, childless couples, whether or not they're going to be parents again, ever.
Sorry. Can we fix that? Can we fix it?
CHELSEA: yes, of course. Oh, yes. Yeah.
DOMINKA: I will start just a sentence. So we, I've noticed that, we as a society almost understood, that maybe it's not okay to ask childless couples whether or not they're gonna be parents one day, but, Somehow, as we see a family of an only child, we have plenty of, opinions and we project them on those families and the rules of not asking certain questions go completely through the window.
And, I think it's especially harmful for the little ones to hear those, because even though we may seem that they don't understand, they remember and they ask questions, my daughter certainly asked me a couple of questions about why she's an only child, what does it mean, and she cannot make, much sense of it sometimes.
So I thought, Oh, This will be very helpful to have a book, to have some sort of, background story from which we can start ask a lot of questions. that book wasn't written to read it from beginning to end, but rather to introduce lots of questions and this bonding experience between parent and the child and in context of being an only child.
yeah.
CHELSEA: Yeah. It's a great conversation starter. Like you said, it's not meant to just answer all questions or touch on all the internalizations that children are making if they're an only child, but it gives them some validation one, just to see this is not, it's not This is common to have one child. It's, and to have that representation, like we talked about, but like you said, I love that just to have that conversation starter piece where they can start to ask more questions and feel more comfortable even, which they might not, if they don't see something like that. yeah. So did you have, it sounds like you experienced that. I love that hearing that your mother and your grandmother are only children as well. And, that's so neat to have that lineage and, I was so it sounds like maybe you experienced a lot of those questions growing up too. And just, is that kind of what motivated you?
Just having that experience. And like you said, your daughter,
DOMINKA: absolutely. That book is a fictional book, but it's very based on the real life events. those, I think I heard all of those stereotypes more or less now also being mom that directed to a parent. there are, some of them are more or less outrageous or some are just like inappropriate. but I think the one which.
stuck with me the most, and that's exactly why I wanted to write a book for kids, not for adults, was that when I was a child, I used to heard a couple of times when I was going for some play dates and I've been acting normally, aka being friendly, and I have been sharing my toys, some of the children used to say, Oh, you are an only child?
I would never say so. Or, You don't act like one and I remember being like, maybe I don't know, five, six year old, and I didn't really, could understand what they talking to me. I was saying something, thanks, but I felt in my heart that I should not be saying thanks for that, that something is up about it, but I couldn't understand what exactly.
And only after time, when my daughter heard something similar, I realized oh, wait, I heard it somewhere. It's come back to me. And then as an adult person, I understood, oh, In my mind's eye, I see it as a situation when somebody send a kid for a playdate with me and they maybe say something along the lines, by the way, Dominika is an only child.
She might not be willing to share her toys. So just be aware, don't be disappointed or something of such sort. And I felt Oh, that's so sad that this poor kids couldn't even experience me as me. They just came with set of stereotypes. I don't believe kids came up with those types of stereotypes themselves at that age.
They, I think they barely understand what sibling means when my daughter talks about siblings for her. All abstract, even though she's already four. so I feel like, that was something which make me feel like, okay. So that's what is really painful because, parents may have their own opinions, they're adults too, but it's very different when we shape future generations, talking to them certain way.
It's, like this tolerance topic, which is a bigger umbrella. it's not only about, age differences, gender, et cetera, but it's also includes personal choices, I believe.
CHELSEA: Yeah, absolutely. It's yeah, it's hard when you find out you've been put in a box that you didn't
DOMINKA: Yeah.
CHELSEA: want to be put into. And, the irony is it's probably if you went down to the psychology of it, the kids that have to share with their siblings on a more constant basis might be more reluctant to share comes over.
DOMINKA: Yeah,
CHELSEA: But, yeah, go ahead.
DOMINKA: Yeah, please. I said that could be a case. I can see it. That's how we don't have data for it. It makes sense.
CHELSEA: But it's true. I think that it's, as a child, you don't think of those things. You're not thinking like, unless you're like, Oh, I like their brother or sister and know them, right? if you're going to the house, that's where it could be your mind or thought pattern would be going to, but you're not thinking like, Oh, they're an only child.
it's very true that some of those conceptions are, planted from just from what they hear their parents talking about, even if they're not talking directly to them or, but just,
DOMINKA: And they seem innocent, right? But it's at the end of the day, it's as you said, that building fences rather than, bridges between people and that's upsetting, especially, I think a kid has no influence whether or not they have brother or sister, so that's the worst possible person to talk about it with,
CHELSEA: absolutely. And I think even more so is to, it's to celebrate being an only child. it's not to say oh, sorry, or too bad or, but it's also there are so many amazing, beautiful things about being an only child and to just like there are to having siblings. But so it's just to have that, which I think you, Again, depicted so well just to really celebrate that uniqueness, but also it's also common, right?
So it's not, it doesn't, it's not the standout thing. It is actually more common, I think, than people realize. And then to be able to say this is a beauty in it and it doesn't have to be a sacrifice to be an only
DOMINKA: I'm very happy that you said that because that's my observation that there is more and more families who choose that model or that model has been chosen for them. That's something which we touch upon because that's important to I would love to mention that is that, in developed countries, I think like plenty of, European countries, even Portugal is leading country where they're only Children.
Families are constantly growing. Australia definitely developed in America, and I think it's important mention here that, Also, one of the stereotypes, only children families often hear, especially parents of those only children, is that they are selfish because they don't give a brother or sister, their firstborns.
meanwhile, we forget, it's completely not just okay, but it's great if family decides to be just one, family of one child and that's okay. We should celebrate it, as you mentioned. It's not something we should be, Oh, I'm sorry, Oh, I think that's just the way it is. we can actually be happy about it.
Some people genuinely choose that path, and that's wonderful. And I'm happy for them, that they know what they want in life. And that will make them, their family works best. But also there are plenty of families who, face different problems. Like the initial plan was different. They wanted to have bigger families, but maybe they suffer secondary infertility or another health problems.
Or maybe the relationship is, facing some issues. And now we all know that introducing a new life to a family, which is already on the rocky terms, that's not the wisest thing to do. Or maybe they have financial problems, which in current economy, we know that, but it's simply. Kids aren't cheap
and it's just very harmful to tell those people, Oh, you're just selfish.
I think that's actually shows a huge maturity and approach to the subject. even though deep down my heart and soul, I really would love my family to be bigger. It's really, wouldn't be the wisest to do it now or ever, because that would impact not only us, but it was our firstborn imagine it who might come to our family.
So I think I wish that just. People will get more understanding about it. I'm absolutely not against big families. If people can create thriving, happy environment for them. That's wonderful. I think our society need more of that, but sometimes we just need to understand that not everybody's, options are the same that never, not the same, luxury of having a choice.
that's what it was important for me that I don't want those kids who Exactly, maybe don't know the reasons yet, be ashamed for something or feel like less than just because, they left or not the way it turned out. And again, it's on the side note, but I think I don't want to sound upset, but just truthful that we talk about it truthfully and not just that is always a choice.
CHELSEA: Absolutely. Yeah. So I think it's yes to acknowledge and honor that some people don't have a choice in the size of their family, but it also it's it celebrates. I think that's also celebrates the fact that if that is your choice to have one child, that is, it's an amazing choice. And that's And that just seeing that every family is built differently and every caregiver and parent, just, like you said, it's their attunement and caring that makes the difference.
It doesn't matter the size of the family and that it's what's going on within the family.
DOMINKA: Yeah, I specifically use the words it's great, not it's okay, because it's not, oh, it's great. It's fantastic. If that choice, if they decided on it, and they are happy together, that's great. We, that should be celebrated. We should not talk about it like, oh, it's okay. No,
CHELSEA: Absolutely.
DOMINKA: there is, Also, logic of, people feel that they can ask only children families, when is the sister coming, where is the brother coming, depending on what the first gender was.
That's usually the sexist comment as well, which we don't realize. And then comes the, like, why only one child? But nobody asked big families, why you have so many kids? Or why do you have three of them? that would be straight up rude. But we somehow don't understand that asking that question in reverse, it's actually rude too.
maybe I can. Maybe. yeah, I wanted this book to be, dedicated still for kids so they can make sense of it, but I wanted to touch up on the things they might hear in life. And I don't want them to feel as I felt being five year old thinking what he said, I don't understand, minding that I was born in nineties and my mom would not necessarily talk about it with me, not just because she didn't want to, there was just not such self awareness and thinking about the moment.
People were more occupied with work and things like that than, I think, psychology, which gets
CHELSEA: we talk a lot more about it. The family. It was now that we did. Yeah, 30 years ago. Yeah, but I agree. I think that, it is, what we don't want to do is have those questions because I think parents feel that way even when they get the question of are you having more? Are you having, are you done?
And it's that underlying, is there like judgment behind that question?
DOMINKA: Yeah.
CHELSEA: so I think It's so important for children, only children to have again, that representation to have that validation and just to have that, kind of foundation to be able to start asking questions and be curious and, know that they might not, they're not the only one that might be receiving some of those questions
DOMINKA: Yeah, that's right.
CHELSEA: Yeah. So how can, listeners either get your book or get ahold of you? Tell us about how to track all of that down.
DOMINKA: Yeah, of course. my book is, will be, published on November 25th on Amazon KDP. first it will be paper, soft cover, paper cover, and then I will proceed also to hardcover. It just takes more time to predict all those versions at the same time. And, people can find me on, dominicadworczakweebly.
com. This is my website where I write a little bit more about my writing process. And then you'll be able to find this podcast probably, and all the other links to my social media appearance. And speaking of social media, I also have an Instagram account, which is Dominika underscore writes, as simple as that,
CHELSEA: and we'll put all of that in the
DOMINKA: and I'm very welcome to connect.
And you don't have to be the only child to write to me
CHELSEA: Yeah. All family sizes. Welcome. Yeah.
DOMINKA: Everybody is welcome.
CHELSEA: That's so great. anything else that we didn't get to touch on, that you want to make sure that listeners heard about the book or the
DOMINKA: I think we covered most of the things which I wanted to say, yeah, I think the final take I wish people to have, it's very short, it's just, let's be respectful, coming back to the umbrella term that tolerance and, welcoming others is not just limited to religion and cultural differences, but also, as I mentioned, personal choice that some people may choose some different life path, or, That choice has been made for them and therefore we have to be even more respectful because we never know when the choice have been made and when it was forced on them and that might be painful simply for some of them and that's I think the final conclusion I have.
CHELSEA: Oh, it's so wonderful. I appreciate that those words and yeah, the inclusivity. So I appreciate that. thank you so much, Dominica.
DOMINKA: Yeah, thank you so much. Chelsea, I felt very welcome and thank you that I had the opportunity to talk not only about my book, but also the life experiences. I felt very comfortable and welcome as I mentioned.
CHELSEA: Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad.