Today I’m talking about ways to bolster your BIPOC child’s self-esteem and resiliency in the face of systemic educational disparities.
Kids who are Black, Indigenous and People of Color—or BIPOC—can experience school culture very differently than white kids. These realities can negatively impact a BIPOC child’s sense of self-worth. Today I’m talking about ways to bolster your BIPOC child’s self-esteem and resiliency in the face of systemic educational disparities.
Project Parenthood is hosted by Dr. Nanika Coor. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
Additional resources:
https://readlikearockstarteaching.com/product/the-black-families-guide-for-talking-about-racism-free/
https://readlikearockstarteaching.com/the-poc-families-guide-to-racism-that-affects-the-black-community/
https://readlikearockstarteaching.com/product/a-white-families-guide-for-talking-about-racism/
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Kids who are Black, Indigenous, and People of Color—or BIPOC—can experience school culture very differently than white kids. They may deal with race-based bullying or discrimination. They might experience or notice different treatment, less access to rigorous courses, bias, and harsher discipline than their white peers. BIPOC kids also may not see many or any teachers or administrators in their school building who look like them. These realities can negatively impact a BIPOC child’s sense of self-worth. Today I’m talking about ways to bolster your BIPOC child’s self-esteem and resiliency in the face of systemic educational disparities.
Welcome back to Project Parenthood! I'm your host, Dr. Nanika Coor—clinical psychologist and respectful parenting therapist. Each week, I’ll help you repair and deepen your parent-child connection, increase self-compassion and cooperation from your kids, and cultivate joy, peace, and resilience in your relationship with them.
Cumulative and collective experiences of microaggressions, racism, bias, discrimination, oppression, unfair treatment, and violence that BIPOC people have experienced across generations and in everyday interactions can lead to racial trauma. Racial trauma impacts a BIPOC student’s mental health, their behavior, and their academic performance.
There’s no way to protect your BIPOC kiddo from every slight or every trauma that may occur, but you can take measures to help bolster their self-esteem and resilience so that those experiences are less likely to be internalized as truth about who they are.
No matter what your race is, if you’re raising a BIPOC child, it’s harmful to their psychological well-being not to explicitly and openly acknowledge to them that race and racism exist and that they already have or will in the future have race-based negative experiences—and that it’s not their fault in any way, shape, or form. Their development of a positive racial identity starts with you letting them know that they have a right to talk about and be upset about those experiences and that you’re a safe person to bring those experiences to. It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your child about race and racism, even if they’re very young. Help them to understand what racism is, how it’s shaped society, and how it can impact their lives.
Talk to your child about the stereotypes that they may face at school as a BIPOC student. Let them know that these stereotypes aren’t true and that they don’t have to let others’ biases define them. Teaching your child about the history of racism and oppression in the United States will give them context for their race-based experiences, help them understand the root causes of those stereotypes, and be a more critical recipient of the messages they get via the media and society as a whole. Help your child learn to question authority (if they feel it’s safe to do so) and to think for themselves. They need to know that they’re worthy and deserving of respect simply because they are a human being. Even if they’ve made a mistake.
Let your child know that it’s not only okay to talk to you about their experiences of or questions about racism, but that you welcome those conversations—it’s not a taboo subject with you. To get you started, I’ve dropped links to some guides for talking to your BIPOC child about racism in the show notes. If you’re a white parent raising white kids—I’m glad you’re listening—I dropped a link to a talking-to-your-kids-about-race guide in the show notes for you too.
Your BIPOC child will need to develop a sense of who they are as a racial being. This is a complex and ongoing process that is influenced by many factors, such as your child's family, friends, community, and society at large. Developing a positive racial identity adds to your child’s resilience and ability to resist the harmful messages they may receive at school.
Help your child develop an appreciation for their cultural heritage by reading books about their racial or ethnic history and exposing them to positive images of people who share their race, ethnicity, and culture. Visit museums and cultural centers that celebrate your family’s culture.
Watch movies and TV shows that feature positive representations of your child’s race. Present their history and culture in ways that are affirming, for example—not from a deficit model. Avoid focusing on negative stereotypes or portraying their race as victims. Help your child be proud of who they are and proud to have a deep understanding of their rich heritage.
Make sure your child has lots of books that have characters that look like them. And at the same time, make sure that their books have characters of all races, religions, and abilities—not solely their own—so they can develop an appreciation for diversity. Also, be sure that your BIPOC child learns about and experiences diversity within races or cultures. For instance, often, when Blackness is shown in the media, it’s limited to a narrow representation of what it means to be Black. No demographic group is a monolith and it’s important for BIPOC kids to understand that what they may see in popular media or even in their neighborhood is only a small slice of—and often a caricature of—reality.
If you see that your child is being treated unfairly at school, speak up. Talk to their teacher, principal, or other school officials. Join a parent-teacher association (PTA) or other parent advocacy group if you can.
If you’re able, you can get involved in your child's school community by volunteering in your child's classroom, attending school board meetings and school events, and getting to know the other parents and teachers. This will help you to stay informed about what is happening at your child's school, ensure it’s a safe and supportive place for all students, and help you develop relationships with staff who may be helpful if you have to advocate for your child's needs. And remember that sometimes getting an outside evaluation from a child psychologist or educational consultant is necessary to be able to secure the services your child needs at school. Communicate with your child about their experiences at school, too. Check in with them about how they’re feeling and what they need from you.
Resilience is about being able to use developed skills and available internal and external resources to cope with and bounce back from stress and adversity. Resilience requires the ability to manage stress and difficult emotions, so teach your child self-regulation and coping skills, such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and problem-solving skills. Be a positive role model for resilience. Your child learns by watching the adults in their lives. Show your child what it looks like to cope with stress and adversity in a healthy way, and persevere in the face of challenges.
Role-playing can also help your child develop coping skills and learn how to respond to stressful situations. You can role-play with your child different scenarios that they might encounter, such as being bullied or being teased about their race.
Teach your child how to cultivate and utilize a social support network of peers and trusted adults both at and outside of school. Give your BIPOC child opportunities to connect with other children and adults of their race and culture who can serve as mentors and role models. This can help them to feel less alone and to have people to talk to who can understand their race-based experiences.
Encourage your child to develop their strengths and talents, which can help them feel confident and capable and give them an outlet for processing emotions. For instance, your child might express themselves with writing, drawing, music, dance, or any other form of creative expression. Creating art can help children process traumatic memories and develop coping skills. Many children can express themselves and their emotions and make sense of their experiences more freely through creativity and play than through words.
The more your child feels safe and supported by you, the more likely they are to feel comfortable expressing themselves and processing their emotions with you. Be there to listen to them and validate their experiences. If your child is dealing with racism at school and you’re concerned about their mental health, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in working with children of color and racial trauma.
You can provide a safe, loving, and supportive home environment for your BIPOC child, and that’s a wonderful foundation for them to thrive. But it’s unrealistic to think that your BIPOC child won’t encounter racism. There’s just no getting around it—racism is baked into the structure of our society, of which our educational system is a part. You can’t make it not happen. This is why your kiddo needs to be surrounded with positive messages about themselves and about their potential. Your lack of control over your child’s experience at school is why it’s so important to focus on building their self-esteem and resilience. It’s why nurturing their culture and identity is crucial, and it’s why they need you to teach them how to resist and cope with the racism and discrimination they’ll undoubtedly face in the world.
That’s all for today’s episode of Project Parenthood—thanks for listening, and I hope you found this helpful! Be sure to join me live on Instagram @bkparents on Monday, October 16 at 12:45pm when you can “Ask Me Anything”! You can get your questions answered in real-time!
If you have a question for me about parent-child relationships, respectful parenting tips and/or parental mental health that you’d like me to cover in a future episode, shoot me an email at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com, leave a message at 646-926-3243 or leave a message on Instagram @bkparents. And you can learn about my private practice working with parents living in New York State at www.brooklynparenttherapy.com.
Catch you next week!